What I See
by seilleanmor
Summary: Post-ep for 5x07 Swan Song. What happens when the cameras are off


"_I just want them to see what I see."_

* * *

She taps the button to end her call, her eyes meeting Castle's in spite of everything they're hiding.

It is crushing her. Not touching him, doing her best not to smile at him, it's tearing her apart. She had no idea it was possible to miss someone who's right there but her heart aches with it.

Earlier, in the observation room when he handed her a cup of coffee, she slid her fingers over his just to _feel_ him, try to quell some of her insatiable need to have him.

He reaches up, thumb brushing her hair back out of the way as he cradles her cheek, the half moon of her cheekbone flush with the concave hollow of his palm. "Hey," she breathes, drops her chin so his fingers slide around the back of her neck, curling into her hair.

He kneads at the so sensitive flesh just below her hairline, fingertips working to ease away the tension. She brings a hand up to cover his, half holding him in place and half desperate to touch him, let him have some of what he's giving her. She hooks her ring finger into the valley between his thumb and forefinger, tries to say everything she can't risk putting words to.

And then she sees the goddamn camera crew watching them again, her fingers already braceleting Castle's wrist to tug his hand down and away. He half twists to see the camera crew and then he's turning back to her, his smile like water running down his face.

"Castle-"

"I know."

* * *

He's still laughing even as she unlocks her apartment door, ushers him inside. He has to clutch at the doorframe, laughing harder when she swats at him.

She rolls her eyes (_fourth time, Kate?_) but she's smiling too, the ghost of mirth quirking the corners of her mouth, creasing the skin around her eyes. "It's not that funny."

"You locked them in the _storage closet_." He shakes his head, so very delighted with her.

He's allowed to follow her over to the couch and stretch himself out, body curving slightly around the corner seat. She goes to walk past and he catches her wrist, tugs her down to sit. She huffs in surprise, turns wide eyes to him, but already she's curling at his side, her hand fisting in his shirt to keep herself there.

"I was going to order dinner."

"Not yet."

He brushes his mouth to her cheekbone, follows the path of his hand earlier today. Her eyelids flutter against his nose, soft dustings like grass against bare feet. "I missed you this case."

"Me too." She arches her neck, her mouth meeting his very carefully, as if she's testing him.

He gets to taste her for a while, his palm sliding around to rest at her spine, keep her close. He's trying not to be clingy, really he is, but he can't help himself. Not being able to touch her for two whole days has been entirely distressing.

When he pulls back she buries her nose at his neck, her mouth still open and glancing over his jugular. He kisses the top of her head, sucks in a lungful of her scent. "It was a good case though right? Fun."

"For you." She shrugs, the bones of her shoulders jostling against his ribs. "I wasn't a fan of the camera crew."

"Yeah I noticed." She pulls back a little to look at him, that gorgeous furrow between her brows back again. He echoes her shrug, kisses her again. Just an innocent dusting of his mouth over hers, but it has her hand tightening in his shirt, her knee coming up to rest against his thigh. "I don't know why you kept covering your face."

She flushes, ducking her chin and catching her bottom lip between her teeth. He gets two fingers at her jaw, guides her to look at him. "You are so beautiful, Kate."

"Castle-"

"I know. I know it made you uncomfortable and I'm sorry." He cups the back of her head, guides her down to rest against him. "But for the record, you came off great."

"No, I came across as walled off." She sighs, the hand on his chest coming up to slide under his collar, cold fingers caressing his neck.

"No you didn't. They captured your strength, how incredible you are at your job. And they also saw you with me, which I know wasn't ideal, but-" he cuts himself off, cupping her cheek again.

He just-

He loves her.

"The point is, they saw how multi-faceted you are. They got a glimpse of the woman I see every day."

She slides her knee further, straddling his thighs and sinking down so their hips kiss. "But I don't want to share that with the whole world. I worked a year in therapy to be that woman for _you_, not for a camera crew."

"But I can't be that selfish, Kate. I can't keep you all to myself when you are so extraordinary. I'm just proud of you, I guess."

He feels himself flushing but then her hands are coming up to cradle his cheeks, cool and fresh and soothing, her mouth meeting his. She strokes her tongue along the roof of his mouth, her chest tight against his.

"I'm proud of you too. The 'you' of two years ago would have driven me insane with a camera crew around, but even though you were playing to the cameras you stayed on my team."

She grins at him, strokes three fingers down his face and then slides her thumb over the seam of his mouth. He opens for her, gets his teeth around the pad of her thumb, his tongue swirling in her fingerprint.

"Who else's team would I be on? Just you, Kate."

She kisses him again and again and again, his hands falling to bracket her hips where she's already shifting, her breath already coming faster. "Good. I want you on my team."

* * *

Later, when he's tracing patterns into the bare skin of her back and she's humming quietly, face half buried in a pillow; he remembers what he meant to ask.

"Do you think the director would let me have the tape he didn't give Gates?"

She rolls over to face him, eyes closed. Ah, more asleep than he'd thought then. Oops. "I guess. Why?"

"I got to be in a _documentary_, Kate. I need to have some evidence."


End file.
